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Ian Conley

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Whatever [15 Oct 2006|06:49pm]
If Stephen Hawking is so fucking british, where's his accent?
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Fuck a Cunted Cunt in the Ass [29 Jul 2006|02:10am]
This is absolutely amazing. I haven't read good, funny writing like this in a while. Whoever wrote this: Perfect timing, excellent delivery. I hope Ann Coulter reads this aloud to her unborn children, which are nesting in her anus, every night she can before the godless liberals force her to abort them for the sake of humanity.
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shit [25 Jun 2006|05:14am]
Journalism has lost itself. In the interest of presenting “both sides” it has become a vessel of crackpots and morons to present ideas that have no basis. A few cases include the “debates” on evolution vs. intelligent design and the existence of global warming.


Those are debates?! Seriously kids, I always used to say, quite vehemently, that science requires as much faith as religion, but buy a fucking vowel; journalists lend “possible, real credibility” to shit like the THEORY of evolution because they’re more interested in their careers than their self aggrandizing quest to tell the truth. Let’s tell both sides of Adolf Hitler’s rise to power. Let’s tell both sides on the possibility, some scientists say, that 2 plus 2 equals 6 (yes, I know that isn’t AP style. I must be a bad journalist!). I need to quit drinking.
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Heil Hitty! [08 Jun 2006|01:52am]
I sincerely think there needs to be a new hip hop mogul. Lil' Hitler will be his name. Or perhaps Hitty Cent. I can hear the marketing reps now. The hosts will be incessantly and flippantly chanting "Heil Hitty!" on TRL, and the kids will chant in cacophonic chorus. Fuck yes.
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It's been a while.. part 4 [26 May 2006|03:18am]
So I graduated from Uk. Awesome. Time to drink a shitload of booze... mission accomplished. I'm looking for promotional touring jobs (and great blow jobs). I'm not that worried.

I'll leave you with some lyrics (that's right, kids, I can't write as well as roger from less than jake, who enjoys porn which I provided to his skinny brazilian ass last year. and I'm not bitter, whatever, fuck you.)

it's never been so crystal clear that i've been dying six months a year arguing with strangers about why i'm still here. no one lets me forget questions about my relevance and i'm starting to believe their arguments in my self-defense it's just my self-destructiveness and always wasting all my breath and it's still a mystery to me why i'm downing all my drinks all the things that i say will someday fade away when the message in the songs has kept me sane all along. the years hit like like fist to face and some days i've tried to replace this person with the same god-given name. some days i shake till noon i've tried to explain to overcrowded rooms across these states my narrow point of view. but what can i do it's just my self-destructiveness and always wasting all my breath and it's a mystery to me why i'm doubting all my dreams all the things that i say will someday fade away when the message in these songs has kept me sane all along
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Planet of the Apes [05 Jan 2006|05:59pm]
Hey dudes. So, if you search for something like Planet of the Apes on Walmart.com, you're given a series of suspiciously african american similar items. Probably not intentional, but hey.

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The Fellatio Barn Project [08 Dec 2005|07:20pm]
I'd forgotten how unbelievably funny Space Moose comics were.

If you never caught wind of this back in 1998 or 1999 or whenever, then you absolutely need to now.

Here's a link to a mirror of the old site:



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Wikipedia and the nature of Truth [02 Dec 2005|07:00am]
Really great, albeit brief, article on Wikipedia and the future of collaborative, non-exclusive editing.

read more | digg story
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Down with the sickness [31 Oct 2005|04:45pm]
Ever have one of those fever induced dreams that are pretty much all of your paranoia wrapped into a delicious 12 hour round of sleep? I haven't been sick in a very long time, and this is probably the worst time ever to succumb to what I'm pretty sure is the H5N1 virus.

Stay tuned for Halloween photos as soon as my dear friend Katie sends them to me; I went through with the idea of being a witch just trying to get by in the modern world. I know, I know. It doesn't make any sense, but the make up job turned out fucking great.

Also, check out films by Jan Svankmajer. He's completely insane, but his work is not unlike watching an aforementioned fever dream.

If any of you are on netflix, drop me your email address.
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This is it [19 Oct 2005|12:23am]
Most people mistake the amorphus blob bulging from my pants for a semi-erect penis. What to their unbeknownst chagrin it's actually the living, attached fetus of my evil twin brother
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Disturbed [18 Sep 2005|08:50pm]
It takes a lot to really bum me out, but this managed it.

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Not Sober [17 Sep 2005|11:30pm]
Fat emo girls bug me. They all dress the same. There's a reason band t-shirts are easy to find in your size--- 80% of them are made to accommodate morbidly obese 16 year old girls with lip rings and short black hair with dark lipstick and no personality.
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UPDATE - Rock You Like a Hurricane. Seriously. [02 Sep 2005|02:36pm]
Surprisingly, The Scorpions will be playing a massive benefit concert for New Orleans.

Not really, but that'd be fucking hilarious.

More often than not, when a nation directs its military to protect its people from themselves the people usually become the enemy.

Ready for poor, pissed off, stereotypical black people vs. the military, guerilla war style? Maybe my crass Thunderdome joke wasn't too far from the truth.
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Things keep getting better. [02 Sep 2005|07:21am]
Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco:

"These are some of the 40,000 extra troops that I have demanded," Blanco said. "They have M-16s, and they're locked and loaded ... I have one message for these hoodlums: These troops know how to shoot and kill, and they are more than willing to do so if necessary, and I expect they will."

Excellent. It's a great idea to passively threaten really scared, really pissed off people with the threat of their own ACTIVE military forces.
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From Super Dome to Thunderdome [29 Aug 2005|08:13am]
Well, New Orleans was spared from a veritable apocalypse, but I'm still hoping for something spectacularly horrible to happen. Particularly, I wish the Super Dome, which the New Orleans city government used to mostly house stranded tourists and indigents, would become something not unlike Thunderdome of Mad Max fame.

I also wish the jack asses who went to journalism school to stand in the middle of a violent storm and talk about it would get in on the action. Imagine Miles Obrian piercing Katie Couric's black heart with a bolt fired from his fucking cross bow arm. THEN, and ONLY then would I watch that garbage.

New Orleans business men and women on a morning commute, September 2005.

yes, I get pictures from the future.
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A word of advice... [24 Aug 2005|02:52pm]
Don't try to smuggle drugs or do drugs in Bali.

Actually, don't even go to Bali.

- ian
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Hmm [23 Aug 2005|06:27pm]
So, Pat Robertson is completely insane. We get it guys. This isn't news. He's been known to say some incredibly crazy shit, and coming up with the idea that the United States should assasinate Hugo Chavez isn't that far out there; the US government has tried it a few times.

The most amazing part of his comments that NONE of the media is talking about is the fact that he said Chavez was exporting Islamic extremism in the Americas. Last time I checked, Hugo Chavez, his home of Venezuela and most of Latin America were very, VERY Catholic.

I guess if you control a lot of oil and tend to take care of the poor people in your country it's kind of hard to make friends.
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[21 Aug 2005|12:41am]
They ACTUALLY make ass wipes now.

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Slipknot sues Burger King [19 Aug 2005|11:02pm]
All I have to say is this:


"Claiming that its image and persona have been hijacked as part of a marketing campaign for Burger King's new chicken fries, the costumed heavy metal band Slipknot is threatening the fast food giant with legal action."

read more | digg story
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The G Man Can Kick Your Ass [16 Aug 2005|08:59pm]
G. Gordon Liddy had this to say on Cindy Sheehan tonight on CNN:

"My son got his face blown off in Panama. now, Mrs. Liddy didn't get all torn up about it; she waited until he grew his new face, and with that new face, he went all the way from Kuwait to Baghdad, and THAT'S HOW TO DO IT!"

This guy rules.

Why does Liddy have any credibility to be an expert on anything except breaking and entering.. oh, and getting in prison fights using custom designed rings meant to cut your fucking face off.
Incidentally, he still wears one of these as a formal evening wear accessory, albeit gold plated.
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